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22/03/2008, 12:54 PM sam Joined on 05/09/2007 Posts 607 Re: It's Joke Time Two monkeys were having a bath, when they got in one said "oh ah oh oa", the other one said, but some bloody cold water in then!!   LEEDS ARE GOING UP BECKFORD IS A LEGEND    Report

22/03/2008, 12:57 PM sam Joined on 05/09/2007 Posts 607 Re: It's Joke Time I was playing gof the other day and i hit a woman walking across the fairway, so i went to the clubhouse and i asked for a doctor, another man answered me and he said "why?" I said, "I have just hit a woman", he said "Where abouts have you hit her?", I said "Well, it's between the first and the second hole!" He said, well you haven't left much room for a bandage then!!  LEEDS ARE GOING UP BECKFORD IS A LEGEND    Report

24/03/2008, 7:37 PM Boyo' Joined on 19/05/2007 Posts 339 Re: It's Joke Time A lady walks into a hospital and told she only has one day to live, so she goes home and tells her husband, and he is devestated, then his wife says "lets make a day of it", lets go to the pub and drink as much lager as we can, then go into town in a limozine and drink as much champagne as we can, then go to the thearte and drink as much wine as we can, and then lets go to the club and drink a much g & t's, vodka's and spirits as we can, so her husband reply's "well its alrite for you love, you dont have to get up in the morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" got it from soccer am lol Norwich - Pride of Anglia.    Report

25/03/2008, 7:22 PM sam Joined on 05/09/2007 Posts 607 Re: It's Joke Time Throwing acid is wrong, in some peoples eyes.   LEEDS ARE GOING UP BECKFORD IS A LEGEND    Report

25/03/2008, 8:55 PM Delia's Well Behaved Devonshire Dirtbox Joined on 26/10/2004 Tiverton Posts 1,888 Re: It's Joke Time I went to see the nurse for my annual health check this morning. She said "i think you should stop masterbating." i asked "why?" she said, "because i'm trying to examine you."    Report

25/03/2008, 9:05 PM Delia's Well Behaved Devonshire Dirtbox Joined on 26/10/2004 Tiverton Posts 1,888 Re: It's Joke Time Click and Fudger were walking down the road one day and stumble across a mirror. Click picks the mirror up and looks into it and says "i know that bloke but cant put a name to the face." Fudger takes the mirror off him, looks into it and says "you daft idiot, its me."    Report

29/03/2008, 4:45 PM WeAreYellows49 Joined on 11/12/2007 Dereham Posts 4,401 Re: It's Joke Time Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool. The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom. Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool,so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him. He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering. Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three years I've spent learning to swim with my ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some git puts a swimming cap on me!" Formerly - MightyYellows God how I wish I were a tomato in the sun and warmth, instead of being a mushroom, kept in the dark and fed.... ....    Report

31/03/2008, 11:33 PM 1st Wazzock Joined on 29/01/2004 Not in Lowestoft - it's a dump Posts 1,282 Re: It's Joke Time A blind guy who lives near to me nearly bled to death today trying to read the cheese grater.    Report

01/04/2008, 2:24 PM WeAreYellows49 Joined on 11/12/2007 Dereham Posts 4,401 Re: It's Joke Time LMAO Formerly - MightyYellows God how I wish I were a tomato in the sun and warmth, instead of being a mushroom, kept in the dark and fed.... ....    Report

02/04/2008, 5:10 PM sam Joined on 05/09/2007 Posts 607 Re: It's Joke Time I was told by the doctor that i would never be able to have children, two weeks later she is pregnant! Who's the daddy   LEEDS ARE GOING UP BECKFORD IS A LEGEND    Report

03/04/2008, 11:36 AM WeAreYellows49 Joined on 11/12/2007 Dereham Posts 4,401 Re: It's Joke Time Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. Formerly - MightyYellows God how I wish I were a tomato in the sun and warmth, instead of being a mushroom, kept in the dark and fed.... ....    Report

03/04/2008, 11:41 AM WeAreYellows49 Joined on 11/12/2007 Dereham Posts 4,401 Re: It's Joke Time One day, in the shark-infested waters of the Caribbean, two prawns called Justin and Christian are discussing the pressures of being a preyed upon prawn. "I hate being a prawn," says Justin. "I wish I were a shark." Suddenly, a mysterious cod appears. "Your wish is granted," he says. Instantly, Justin becomes a shark. Horrified, Christian swims away, afraid his former friend might eat him. As time passes, Christian continues to avoid Justin, leaving the shrimp-turned-maneater lonely and frustrated. So when he bumps into the cod again, he begs the mysterious fish to change him back. Lo and behold, Justin is turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, he swims back to the reef to seek out Christian. As he approaches, he shouts out: "It's me, Justin, your old friend. I've changed… I've found Cod. I'm a prawn again, Christian." Formerly - MightyYellows God how I wish I were a tomato in the sun and warmth, instead of being a mushroom, kept in the dark and fed.... ....    Report

03/04/2008, 1:18 PM 1st Wazzock Joined on 29/01/2004 Not in Lowestoft - it's a dump Posts 1,282 Re: It's Joke Time A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a Christmas fancy dress party. He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Pirate. The man is offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint. A week passes and he receives another parcel and note: Dear Sir, Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part. The man is really incandescent with rage now, because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he writes a really strong letter of complaint. A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup. We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple.       Report

03/04/2008, 5:53 PM Houston Canary Joined on 13/01/2008 yee haw, Houston TX Posts 1,187 Re: It's Joke Time What do you call a bullfighter with no arms and no legs?  Gord. An impersonation of the person receiving the gifts after one week of the 12 days of Xmas. (7 swans, 6 geese, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves and a partridge) :  ENOUGH WITH THE ####ING BIRDS ALREADY!!!! My wife is an animal rights activist.  I spent 3 weeks trying to find a suitable flea shampoo for our dogs.  You know, one that hasn't been tests on animals. Try the pork chops.  I'll be here all week, 2 shows Friday.   2 men say they're Jesus, one of them MUST be wrong    Report

03/04/2008, 6:17 PM ricky knight Joined on 08/01/2005 norwich Posts 1,745 Re: It's Joke Time Paul v Heather It's a very sad world we live in when Sir Paul McCartney and his wife are facing divorce and all anyone seems to want to do is make jokesabout her false leg. Personally, I think it's prosthetic. News reports have confirmed that Paul McCartney has separated from hiswife Heather Mills-McCartney. Mrs Mills-McCartney is said to bedistraught over the split. 'He has been my crutch for so long'! She said in an earlier briefing, 'I have no idea why this has happened, I'm really stumped' 'She's running around in circles', according to a close friend, 'she will need all the support she can get. It's not like its easy to walk out on a relationship like this' After his break up with Heather, Paul was asked if he would ever consider going down on one knee again. Paul said he would prefer it if we called her Heather. It is not known whether a pre-nuptial agreement was signed prior to themarriage. Paul McCartney is one of the richest men in the world, and if an agreement has been signed it is believed that she won't have a leg to stand on. Rumours abound over the split which have suggested that infidelity mayhave been the cause. 'She's terrible' a source stated, 'always trying toget her leg over'. Another source has suggested that her battle with alcoholism was the cause. 'Macca couldn't handle it anymore' a friend said, 'he would get home at night and find her legless' Many have attributed this to a problem which started with the present that Paul bought her prior to the wedding. He gave her a new prosthetic leg for Christmas but that was just a stocking-filler. A miner in Africa has an accident and loses a leg. He says to his mate'I'm f---ed, who will want a one legged gold digger?' His mate says 'try Paul McCartney' Finally a poem by Sir Paul McCartney: I lay upon a grassy bank My hands were all a quiver I slowly removed her suspender belt and her leg fell in the river And She Stood on the bridge at Midnight Her lips were all a quiver She gave a cough, her leg fell off And floated down the river. These jokes are funny but lets spare a thought for Paul please. Now she has left him, he's going to struggle to find another woman who can fill her shoe --------------------    Report

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