It's Joke Time

It's not just football!

It's Joke Time

San Miguel 18/12/2007, 1:28 PM

Its been ages since we've had a joke thread so come on people - any Christmas jokes in particular?

I've got a non-Christmas joke I heard last night:

Little Mandy was kneeling ion her back lawn digging a hole in the ground

Her neighbour seeing what she is doing, asks why she is digging a hole

Mandy replies "i'm digging a hole to bury my goldfish who just died"

"i'm sorry to hear that" says the neighbour "but isn't that an awfully big hole for a goldfish?"

"yes" she says "that's because he's inside your cat!"

Re: It's Joke Time

jay kay 18/12/2007, 2:44 PM
you watched live at the apollo last night...

love you mum R.I.P

Re: It's Joke Time

San Miguel 19/12/2007, 1:12 PM

buddhaboy wrote:
you watched live at the apollo last night...

i did, tho its not the same now they've taken out the swear word!

Re: It's Joke Time

sam 22/12/2007, 8:25 PM

One evening Alex Ferguson's phone rings. It's the fire brigade telling him that Old Traffod is on fire.

"The cups!" shouts Ferguson. "Save the cups!"

"Don't worry, sir," says the fireman. "The flames haven't got to the canteen yet."

LEEDS ARE GOING UP
BECKFORD IS A LEGEND

Re: It's Joke Time

jay kay 22/12/2007, 11:48 PM
omad djalili joke...

3 men in a dinghie, englishman, scotsman and an indian.

a shark is heading 2wards them....knocks the dinghie and the englishman falls out and gets eaten...

the shark comes round again, knocks the scotsman out. eats him...

the shark comes round once more and and at the very last second begins to swim away...

the indian looks up the the skys and shouts "thank you god for saving me, but why??"

and the shark turns round and says " i had an indian last year and my arse is still burning!!!!"

love you mum R.I.P

Re: It's Joke Time

sam 24/12/2007, 8:10 PM

i have been advised to start going to the gym but i said "no its just not for me, last time i went i went on the rowing machine and just drifted away"!!

luchtime brigader, what do you think to that

LEEDS ARE GOING UP
BECKFORD IS A LEGEND

Re: It's Joke Time

sam 24/12/2007, 8:12 PM

i was at a friends funeral the other day as his grandad had just passed away, i said how did he die, he said he was in the chair, closed his eyes and never woke up again, the dentist had a fit!!

LEEDS ARE GOING UP
BECKFORD IS A LEGEND

Re: It's Joke Time

PBTC 24/12/2007, 8:43 PM

sam wrote:
luchtime brigader, what do you think to that

Those last two were awful especially the dentist one, think you need to lay off that sherry! Smile [:)]

4/10

Re: It's Joke Time

sam 25/12/2007, 3:58 PM

merry christmas lunchtime brigader, how about this one then.

Did you know that you can now get funerals at tescos, it's brilliant, shop till you drop!!!

i will lay off the sherry for now whilst i prepare some jokes just for you to laugh at.

LEEDS ARE GOING UP
BECKFORD IS A LEGEND

Re: It's Joke Time

PBTC 25/12/2007, 5:05 PM
Merry Christmas to you Sam and all long suffering Norwich fans. The Tesco one is pretty poor again, not on your usual form I'm afraid. Got a couple of corkers in the old crackers today...

What do snails use to polish themselves? Snail Varnish!
Why did the skeleton not go to the New Years' party? He had no body to go with!

I'm here all week.

Re: It's Joke Time

sam 25/12/2007, 7:43 PM

Im also here all week mate, heres one for you.

This man gets pulled over by the police and as the policeman approaches him he sees the man beating up his dog, so the policeman says "what are you doing to that dog", the man says "well you'd do the same if it had your tax disk"!!!!

Here's another one for you.

Where does Tarzan buy all of his clothes? A jungle sale!!!!

I'm here all week.

LEEDS ARE GOING UP
BECKFORD IS A LEGEND

Re: It's Joke Time

WeAreYellows49 24/01/2008, 12:37 PM
A guy is lying in his hospital bed, wired up with drips and monitors, breathing with the aid of an oxygen mask. A young lady comes round the ward with the tea and newspaper trolley. Approaching him she asks if there is anything she can do for him. The guy looks at her and asks "Are my testicles black?"

"I'm sorry but I'm not medical staff, I can't help you with that" she replies.

"Oh, please have a look for me, I'm really worried; Are my testicles black?"

Taking pity on his obvious distress the girl glances around the ward and, seeing there are no medical staff around, says "Alright, I'll have a look for you". She pulls back the bedcover, cupping his balls in her hand tells him, with a note of relief in her voice, "No, they look fine to me".

The patient pulls off his oxygen mask and says "I said, Are my test results back?"

Formerly - MightyYellows

God how I wish I were a tomato in the sun and warmth, instead of being a mushroom, kept in the dark and fed.... ....

Re: It's Joke Time

we8wba 24/01/2008, 2:46 PM

a polar bear went into a bar

and said to the barmen

"can i have a gin .......... & tonic please?"

barment replies

"why the long pause?"

polar bear replies

"because im a polar bear"

do you get it? pause - paws

oh never mind

Re: It's Joke Time

WeAreYellows49 24/01/2008, 2:56 PM
lol we8wba Smile [:)]

Formerly - MightyYellows

God how I wish I were a tomato in the sun and warmth, instead of being a mushroom, kept in the dark and fed.... ....

Re: It's Joke Time

we8wba 24/01/2008, 3:34 PM

WeAreYellows49 wrote:
lol we8wba

EASY EASY EASY LOL

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