LQ - another girl, another planet

Goodnight Norwich, wherever you are…

lq-555@hotmail.com — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 08:26:00 GMT

One is brought to wonder, at this time of year when there is little to moan of in terms of homegrown despair, about the powers that be who in some way or another define our destiny for the season to come.

The most immediate impact surely, comes from the Eagerly Anticipated Fixtures List. Well, when I say ‘eagerly anticipated’ what I actually mean is “for the love of all that is good, give us on the official messageboard something to talk about other than hands-on castration and what toys we wish we’d kept as kids and now have to scan Ebay for” which are obviously similar concepts.

Said EAFL (‘Eagerly Anticipated Fixtures List’ for those slow on the uptake), threw up little in terms of surprise. We’ll play away for the first and last games obviously and we absolutely must play Burnley, Blackpool and Southampton away on a Tuesday night. Surely one high point for all away season ticket holders will be the prospect of Selhurst Park on New Year’s Day – let joy be unconfined! We do though, have the pleasure of a home cup tie. I’ll say that again because I can’t quite believe it myself A HOME CUP TIE!!! Bonus!

Few are more disappointed in the EAFL than Ian Holloway though. Not only do the sailor boys at Plymouth have to traipse to Hull and back on the first day of the season, they also have us, them down the road and Scunthorpe for their midweek mini-break pleasures…and we think we’re out on a limb! The only conclusion I can draw about the people who compile this list is that they have spent one too many nights in the company of a man called Barry in a Nicaraguan disco.

Really though, in all seriousness, why all the song and dance? The most obvious solution to all the nail biting tension is just to take last years fixtures and swap in the names of the new teams who have come to play our game next year. I mean, look at the table today. There are two facts I can confirm to be absolutely true come May 2008 (place your bets now):

1) Pre-season is the only time you will see Barnsley, Blackpool and Bristol City in the promotion spots.

2) Pre-season is the only time you will see Watford, West Brom and Wolves in the relegation spots.

I’ve called my bookie and he was happy to give me odds of 42/1 on for the above – there, don’t say I never give you anything!

Still, at least our games against the boys in blue are both Saturday 3pm kick-offs, phew! What? They’ll be changed? But why???

Granty was (as usual) vociferous about the EAFL. Following all the expected “there’s no easy games…” came what we all wanted to hear. “I'll be lookin' tae gie tae th' stage whaur fowk willnae swatch forward tae playin' us, an' will swatch at fixtures an' say 'oh nae, wee've gor Norwich” Granty enthused, and in as much as I could understand, I agreed with him, whether he was munching salad in Dubai or not.

Later this week we should be well on the way to learning whether we will be playing Sheffield Utd or West Ham. I can exclusively reveal that we will in fact be playing both – but only one will count. Yes, Little Ern putting a couple past Greeno and Jon ‘Semi’ Otsemobor pulling off a couple of uncompromising challenges against Deano will be the summer event that really matters. Well can you think of anything better to do on a Tuesday night in July? Can you? Tell me please! Nope, too late, I’ve booked my ticket for the showdown of the erm…pre-season.

Psycho Pearce looks to have landed himself a full-time job taking care of the England U21s following a magnificent win over a second string Serbian side. Can someone tell me how many of the U21s are actually under 21? All I know is that a couple of years ago when my (then) 11 year old daughter’s season ticket came up for renewal, I was told that even though she was 11 when the season started, she was, in fact, not under 12. Why can’t fans get in on the same rule book as players?

So there you go. The EAFL has revealed that we will actually play everyone else – home AND away; Granty wants the opposition to sit, heads in hands, saying “oh no, we’ve got Norwich” (or words to that effect); despite incredible uproar, Sheff U have discovered that 18 other teams from the Big League really don’t give a flying fig about them and I’m off to Holland for my hols.

So thank you for reading over the past year. I hope you’ve enjoyed it and if you haven’t, why are you here anyway? This is (more than likely) my last instalment so please feel free to either:

a) cry

b) leap into the air

c) shrug and move on…

Ciao

;~)

There was that big club, you know, they wore white...

lq-555@hotmail.com — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 10:50:00 GMT

It sounds strange to say, but administration could be the only way Leeds United fans may get to see their team back in the top leagues before 2026.

Money and football are odd bed-fellows as we all know. At the top there are millions of pounds floating around in a kind of Brothers Grimmesque fantasy land where champagne and fast cars are not treats but everyday life. When the fairytale collapses the flotsam and jetsam left washing around has the same effect on any football fan as a car crash on a Bank Holiday afternoon – you can’t help looking!

What has happened to Leeds United is less a car crash than a 17 vehicle, motorway pile-up. The culmination of at least 6 years of greed, self-interest and delusion by people who, in any other walk of life, would have been found out long ago. When Dennis Wise took over from Kevin Blackwell in October last year, the lilywhite faithful must have hoped that his particular brand of passion would be enough to see them through to the end of the season. However, Ken Bates was recently quoted in the Yorkshire Post as saying: "Dennis has done a much better job than many people realise. We were in a much worse position when Dennis came in than people know about. Some of the difficulties he inherited cannot be made public…”

You don’t have to dig too deeply to glean an idea of what some of those ‘difficulties’ may be. Putting on a conspiracy theory hat here doesn’t seem like too big a leap into X-Files territory however, when you think of some of the characters involved in this particular saga.

As I understand the situation this is (very basically) how Leeds are where they are (I'm very happy to be corrected if I'm wrong!):-

Under the chairmanship of Peter Risdale Leeds Utd FC took out a loan of £60million. When everything went belly-up for the first time, this debt was inherited and restructured by the incoming Krasner Consortium. One of the by products of the loan was that Ken Bates couldn’t own more than 50% of the club when he wanted overall control. If he had bought just 1% more, the restructuring would have left Leeds having to find a payment of millions to the institutions holding the Leeds bond.

As this debt stands (and here is the really scary bit – look away now Leeds fans) payments are due, depending on league position, until 2025! If LUFC return to the Premiership under the current deal, they will probably have to refinance and restructure AGAIN just to be able to make the payments on the loan.

However, there could be some light at the end of the tunnel and you just have to ask yourself at this point whether or not Mr Bates knew when that light was going to shine when he bought into Leeds last season. The clause on a new investor owning more than 50% of the club apparently runs out at the end of this season. A club with no tangible assets, that has gone into administration and its second relegation in three years but with a large and (however dirty) loyal fanbase is a seriously cheap but promising option for anyone with just a few million to spend.

Control of the LUFC Board is currently held by Forward Sports Fund, a Swiss based group fronted by Bates, who lives in Monaco. Who owns Elland Road and the training facility, Thorp Arch, is a mystery but Leeds City Council recently refused a request from Bates to provide a mortgage so the stadium could be re-acquired for the club.

Bates only bought into Leeds when his attempt to take over at Sheffield Wednesday failed – the Owls fans must be breathing heavy sighs of relief now! Ken Bates vision of the future at Elland Road is remarkably similar to his sorry plans for “Chelsea Village” where some of his dealings were under FSA investigation for over two years, ending with a limp, half-hearted verdict. He wants the fans to own the pitch – just like Stamford Bridge; he wants hotels, restaurants and apartments – just like Stamford Bridge (Bates’ Motel anyone?) but most of all it seems, Ken Bates wants to be seen as the saviour of one of English football’s great institutions – however low he has to take them to achieve that! But hey, I could be wrong…

So what is the moral of this tale? Well, I suppose it’s “be careful what you wish for, because in the fairytale world of football, wishes aren’t always granted by godmothers, sometimes it’s the wolves who wave the wand!”

If you can’t beat ‘em…

lq-555@hotmail.com — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 13:06:00 GMT

It’s never a surprise when someone bigger than you decides they want some of what you’ve got, and takes it. That is exactly what our American cousins have set their minds on when it comes to our beautiful game.

After 30 years of soccer being a virtually ladies-only sport in the ‘greatest nation on earth’, the infiltration of the yankee ideal (money, money and yes you’ve got it – more money) has well and truly begun to face up to the fact that it’s a man's game and there’s gold in that there field!

On the corporate front we’ve seen buyouts of Man Utd and the Liverpool Red Sox, the former case being funded by a loan against future season tickets and virtually every asset the club held – and somehow this was OK? Today, Peter Hill-Wood declared that he and the other major shareholders at Arsenal would never bow to the fistful of dollars being waved at them by Stan Kroenke. Of he and his fellow owners, he said “These people love Arsenal, they are independently wealthy and do not need the money. Having a few extra million pounds in the bank is of no interest to them.” Well lucky them! If only all clubs were in the position to take such a stand, a wodge of cash can often tempt the most staid of minds.

With Becks declaring his intention to ‘head west, young man’ earlier this season, it was only a matter of time before others (both in the skilled and unskilled sectors of the football labor market – intentional spelling error there) followed in his bootsteps. Our own Carl Robinson was fairly quick off the mark, heading to Toronto to join up with a personal ex-favourite, Jim Brennan. Although apparently Psychic Carl would have it that he started this trend, declaring to the BBC "I had already agreed to go from Norwich in principle and when I saw he (Beckham) was going I was delighted as the media frenzy that comes with him is only going to boost the profile of the MLS.” It wasn’t long before Carl was tempting another Championship player, Sunderland’s Andy Welsh. News this week is that Danny Dichio and Juan Pablo Angel have also made the swim across the water to pocket the silver dollar, Dichio pairing up with Robinson at Toronto.

There’s an anomaly that bothers me slightly here. It’s always existed, but in the past hasn’t been a major concern because it generally worked in the favour of European football. The whole transfer window malarkey obviously doesn’t apply to the States. It seems players can head over there at a moments notice and at any time. The implications of this are worrying – whilst, until now, we’ve been happy to accept that outside of the transfer window, our players are our players and they’re safe, now that is not the case. Someone flying the stars and stripes from their pole could come in for Little Ern tomorrow and that, ladies and gentlemen, would be that.

It’s all rather worrying to be honest. Where once it was accepted that a player who couldn’t cut the mustard in his league anymore would drop down one, or become a pundit, or a coach, or disappear completely into early retirement, now our talent has a new option – and how long will it be before it’s not the over 30s the Americans are interested in? And it’s all very well they’re buying up our ‘big’ clubs, but they are the clubs with plenty of lucre anyway – do they need more? Will the money that is in the game begin to be siphoned off over the pond?

An ageing lothario I once had cause to spend some time with, used to say to me “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I wish I had a crystal ball right now, because I for one am not 100% sure which way the pendulum is going to swing for my game.

;~)

All to play for...

lq-555@hotmail.com — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 09:05:00 GMT

After (yet another) collapse on Monday (not me – the team) I wandered home in a state of bemusement. Following a rather stupid agreement I had with Ginger Pele’s natural father (allegedly) to count the good and bad contributions of Hoozey during the West Brom game which ended up in an amicable draw, I was feeling more positive about some aspects of the match. Hughes and Etuhu both played as well as I’ve seen all year (in my opinion!) and the work that’s obviously been on going with set-pieces means there is an air of expectation rather than resignation when we get a corner. Plus points indeed!

However, I felt empty – devoid of emotion – and realised I needed to give myself a bit of a rocket if I was going to keep my enthusiastic demeanour going till the end of the season. That rocket came courtesy of an interview with Adam Drury (pre-dental treatment I assume) in which he seemed to be saying that all there was left to play for was the derby game on the 22nd. Well, that did it. It’s one thing for me to feel less than ebullient, but quite another for the players to feel the same. From kick-off on the 5th August till the final whistle on the 6th May, I expect to see 100% every minute. Am I asking too much? Should I expect less from an away performance at the tired end of the season when we’re languishing in mid-table purgatory?

This problem doesn’t only affect our club though. It’s all pervading. That’s why, when push comes to shove, West Ham can beat Arsenal and Watford can put four past ‘Appy ‘Arry’s boys. There is no way either of those teams should have won those games over Easter, but they did, because they did have something to play for. At the other end of the scale, West Brom are obviously keen to secure their place in the play-offs whilst we are obviously keen to erm… oh yes, finish as high up the league as possible. One matters a lot, the other doesn’t. Frustrating isn’t it?

It was pleasing then to see three further post mortem interviews with Granty and Doc and more recently, Super Chris. To a man they all said what I wanted to hear. We are playing for pride and yes, the derby is important, but so is every single match before and after that. I’m still quite annoyed with myself though, I feel the need to see this commitment in action before I’m happy to just accept it this time. Am I becoming cynical? Quick, slap me!

Today came the incredible news that Milan Mandaric had sacked Rob Kelly and appointed Our Nigel to manage Leicester until the end of the season. Along with Doug (who I assume is still on his diet), his job is to keep them up and then maybe – just maybe – have a crack at the job properly next season. In the month since ‘Milan Milan the Football Fan’ took over with his “we’re going to the Prem” promises, they haven’t won a game. Now if Nigel can pull this off and drag the Foxes out of the hole they are rapidly falling into he’ll be smelling of roses. But realistically, at this stage, it’s not going to happen is it? Or is it?

I got my tickets for the Leicester game a few weeks ago. I was feeling a bit airy-fairy about going after Drury’s comments but now I can’t wait. I am, however, thinking of taking a sofa with me – just so I’ve got something to hide behind for the scary bits. Surely, if this appointment doesn’t make this a must-win match Adam, I don’t know what does? But who is it ‘must-win’ for? Who has the most to lose or the most to gain? Nigel will be up for it and he’ll be sure to pump that spirit into his new team, along with the new manager’s honeymoon luck, he’s got lots going for him.

Despite the apprehension I’ve been feeling about the next fixture all day though, I have managed a smile. Actually that’s not true. I’ve been wandering around the house giggling spontaneously since one o’clock. A very dear pal of mine who was at the forefront of the Worthy Out campaign, has, over the past few months, been publicly demanding that our Board approach Manderic with the aim of him investing in us. Oh, the irony! You couldn’t write this stuff! I’m just keeping everything crossed that this little snippet of poetic justice doesn’t come back to bite us on our Canary bottoms…

;~)

Stop faffing around!

lq-555@hotmail.com — Sun, 18 Mar 2007 20:00:00 GMT

So the Football League, not content with having one of the most exciting ‘products’ in sport to market, are looking for new ways to erm…improve the footballing experience. The decision to look into the possibility of introducing penalty shoot-outs to decide drawn matches has got to be one of the most stupid proposals ever (well, bar one or two to come out of that bastion of absurdity – FIFA).

As I understand it, the idea behind the scheme is to make each game more exciting and apparently although managers aren’t keen on shoot-outs, fans love them. Which fans would that be? Certainly none I’ve ever spoken to. In fact anyone brought up on England failures over the years must surely have an in-built terror at the prospect of having to go through this kind of thing week in, week out.

Perhaps more disturbing is Lord Mawhinney’s description of the game as “the product”. Product? Football isn’t a product – it’s an almost spiritual experience, which can leave one feeling either devastated or orgasmic, and so it should remain. After all, coming back from being 2-0 down to a 2-2 draw can be as exhilarating as a win. Look at the ‘Boro game in the Prem. After showing the kind of passion our team did then to pull off a 4-4 draw, how ridiculous would it have been for both sides to have to go through a penalty sham to decide an extra point? Even the ‘Boro fans were delighted with that game and they lost 2 points!

The proposal would give each team a point and the winners of the shoot-out an extra point. Would this make for a more attacking game? Not in my opinion. If that’s what they’re after, make the points system a bit more life and death than it is at the moment. Three points for a win, nothing for a draw and minus one for a loss – that should sort the men from the boys. Go with the FL’s new proposals and we could potentially see a team win the league without scoring a goal in open play, how ‘exciting’ is that? Two points for a 0-0 draw and winning the resulting penalties could see a non-scoring team finish the season with 92 points. Unlikely I know, but entirely possible. Squads would spend inordinate amounts of time practicing penalties and ‘keepers practicing saves. A good thing in some ways many might think, but the onus should always be on 90 minutes. That is the game – simple as.

Listening to West Brom v Birmingham on Sunday morning got me thinking. WBA were described by 5 Live as being the team with the best scoring record in the Championship whilst the Bluenoses are the team with the best defensive record. Both are looking, if not at automatic promotion, then certainly at play-off places this year.

Now WBA couldn’t score against us at the Hawthorns (please don’t let this be me tempting fate!) and Brum couldn’t keep us out, either home or away. So why are we spending 2006/7 in the bottom half of the table? It’s the inconsistency that bruises our spirit more than anything. Yes, we have recently won two away games on the trot, followed by THAT Derby game which we really deserved at least a point from and the matches against Birmingham and Stoke have reminded me why I love this game and this team – passion, enthusiasm and stamina, we had it all. But stuck in the middle of that lot was the non-entity that was Cardiff.

I stood, freezing, on the terrace and watched possibly the poorest 45 minutes of football I can ever remember seeing. The second half was marginally better but to be honest, that wasn’t hard to achieve. As for Granty’s comments about Dickson having a good game – well, I hate to disagree with the man but was he watching the same game as me? Dickson was good for the first 15 minutes of the second half while he remembered the rocket the manager gave him at half-time. That was it – then it’s business as usual with a massive dose of ennui.

Now I’m all for instilling confidence in players and there’s no doubt that they have all given more recently when the Carrow Road faithful have been behind them but it shouldn’t always be down to us should it? Look at Andy Hughes. The abuse that guy has put up with over the past 18 months and he still comes out and gives 500% in every game. His performances may not be of the greatest skill level and yes, Hoozey is Hoozey and for every sublime cross there will be a sad flap but I like him. I like him a lot. He epitomises what being a professional footballer is all about on the pitch – never give up, be a team player and always, always give of your all.

So Dickson, you may have the potential to be a Premiership midfielder but do you have the attitude? I’d love you to ‘come good’ for next season but do think you could do with following an example to gee-up your outlook. Spend a bit of time with Hoozey. He’s been through the rough times and (even after that altercation with a fan – remember that?) has brought himself out the other side. Hoozey is fast becoming a cult hero at Carrow Road and lord knows we need a few of them!

Every time I’ve thought we’ve turned a corner this season and can see what Granty is trying to achieve, it turns out to have been a false dawn. This must be different now though. We are finally looking like a team and a team that believes in itself when push comes to shove.

There have been many occasions this season when it’s been difficult to see and believe in the big picture (mainly because those little, niggly things like losing games we should have been quids in for, keep getting in the way). But now there are clearer images forming, colour and line are becoming defined and the days of rough sketches seem a million years ago.

I like what I’m seeing. It may not be a Da Vinci yet but thank goodness it’s not a load of Pollocks anymore!

Padded Cell

lq-555@hotmail.com — Tue, 06 Mar 2007 23:15:00 GMT

Now I’m a grown up. I’m generally quite a nice, decent woman – I go to posh dinners for goodness sake – with men in tuxedos! But put me in a football stadium on any given Saturday (or even Tuesday night) and I develop a strange ability to turn into something very nasty indeed.

Remember Bruce Banner? No? Let me give you a clue. His catchphrase was “Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry!” Angry doesn’t even begin to come close to being an expression of the emotion I felt at tonight’s game and am still feeling typing this. Angry? Pah! I get angry when I see a dodgy pass go astray, I get angry when anyone privileged enough to wear the yellow and green jersey doesn’t give his best. Tonight I laugh in the face of “angry”.

No, tonight I am absolutely bloody furious. The first objects of my fury are the officials. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? How can you play an advantage when the player to whom the ball has fallen is offside? How can you not give a penalty when Huckerby is being mauled and manhandled so obviously? How can any professional official allow such blatant timewasting without once making a booking? How can a referee permit a player to continually provoke and intimidate players of the opposing team AND NOT DO ANYTHING? How can a handball and a backpass IN THE SAME MOVE result in a goal kick?

Please, someone explain these mishaps to me because I don’t think the FA will. Before you ask, yes, I have written to them. You can too, write to www.thefa.com/feedback This certainly isn’t a case of sour grapes, I’ve seen some poor refereeing in my time but never anything to come close to that little lot! If Lee Probert ever gets to blow his whistle in a Championship match again it had better be a cold day in hell (or NR2 at any rate).

Moving (grudgingly) on, the second victims of my wrath are Derby County FC. Every single one of them, from the Chairman to the fan I met on the way home who had got lost when he went to buy sausage rolls in Morrisons. What a team you have. What a win you got. Well, I hope you’re all very proud of your team because I’m struggling to remember when I last saw such a bunch of cheating scum at Carrow Road. I’m glad they’re your team because I don’t think I could ever support a team like that. Are you happy with your win Billy Davies? Are you laughing on the way home? Are you patting Stephen Bywater on the back and saying “well done lad”? Anyone who could come away from a performance like that and be proud to be a Derby fan is obviously not a football fan.

Deep breath – and (try to) relax…

Granty, I didn’t make it to Luton (my other half did) and I couldn’t get to Barnsley so this was my first view of this revitalised, progressive, effervescent team and I’m certainly impressed. As a team performance it was superb. OK, so we’re still not Real Madrid, hell we’re not even Surreal Madrid, but it was truly invigorating to see the players playing for each other with understanding and commitment and, of course, that all important word, passion. It’s been a passion-free zone for the last few games at Carrow Road but this performance redressed the balance and to say I’m looking forward to my trip to Cardiff at the weekend would be a huge understatement. Thanks Granty, thanks squad, you’ve restored my faith in the team ethic.

Finally, someone said tonight that we were robbed. Can I just correct that statement? We weren’t robbed. We were hit over the head with a blunt instrument and mugged. Well and truly. How can anyone play against a team who have obviously been taught to cheat at every available opportunity? They must have been – are you telling me that lot have the intelligence to work out that if the ‘keeper goes down he doesn’t have to go off the pitch whereas an outfield player does all by themselves? I don’t think so! They were taught to behave like that as sure as eggs is eggs. How can anyone play in a match that the officials had zero control over? That was as pathetic a display of impotence as you’ll ever see.

So give me a padded cell. I need to scream and punch and generally go ape for a while. But no windows because at the moment I’m sort of large and green and like I said “you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry!”

A funny thing happened on the way to the pyramids!

lq-555@hotmail.com — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 17:40:00 GMT

Now this isn’t wholly about football, so if you’re not interested in what I’ve been up to this week, tune out now!

For my birthday last month, my darling other-half had perfectly arranged a dream week for me. It involved dropping our daughter off in the morning for her school trip to Jordan, going to the Luton game then down to London to stay with my brother overnight (having dinner with old mates into the bargain), Sunday morning heading off to Heathrow for 4 nights in Cairo (visiting the museum there, where I’ve dreamed of going since I was 7 and the pyramids at Giza and Saqqara – I’m a bit of an archaeology bore when I’m not being a football bore!), get back Thursday and go to the Derby game on Saturday then pick our daughter up on her return on Saturday night! Perfect!

Yes, perfect until we failed to sort Blackpool out at the first time of asking. So my week of football and pharaohs (can you think of anything better?) was looking iffy. The Blackpool replay is the first home match I’ve missed for 6 years – I was gutted, but I still had Luton to look forward to and, of course there was (with the game against Derby being off whatever our result) the prospect of going down to Stamford Bridge to see Dion and co give the sexiest manager in footie a run for his money.

Wrong!! First off the school trip changes and lovely daughter would now be arriving back in Norwich 2 hours early, at 7pm. Grrrrr… is there enough time to drive back from West London – I don’t think so! So, the prospect of two games surrounding the pyramid excursion was looking dead in the water. It couldn’t get any worse…

I know it wasn’t only me who thought the Luton match being called off seemed a little erm… ‘well timed’ for Newell’s men. A side beset by injury is hardly going to go all out to get a dodgy pitch playable for a game against a team on the up, like we are at the moment. Maybe I’m being cynical but I was really annoyed by this. Especially as, driving within a few miles of Luton at the weekend there was certainly no sign of inclement weather. Grrrrr…

Heathrow airport on Sunday afternoon presented me with an opportunity to think about real life for a while though. Still smarting from the prospect of zero football I was having a coffee in a departure lounge café while OH went shopping for a new camera. I’m sitting at a bar minding my own business, a guy comes over and asks if the seat next to me is free. He sat down and we started chatting. Now I don’t usually talk to strangers but there was something about him that made me feel very comfortable. He was incredibly well-spoken, close cropped hair and twinkly blue eyes, mid forties I guessed. He asked where I was going so I said Cairo and we talked about Cairo. I asked his destination and he said Amman. Then followed a brief interchange about my daughter being in Amman – “was I worried about her, Middle East etc” “No,” I said. “The more you see of the world the better you can understand it and at her age (13) I like to think she’ll become more appreciative of what the world has to offer.” Blah blah blah in a general ‘smalltalk’ kind of a way.

I asked how long he was in Jordan for and then came the rest of the conversation that I can’t get out of my head. “I fly out again first thing in the morning,” he said, “this time tomorrow I’ll be in Baghdad.” In a fairly stunned state we discussed what he was going for (I guessed it wasn’t pleasure!) and I sort of skirted around the fact that people going to Iraq wasn’t something I came across every day! Then the tannoy announced the last call for the Royal Jordanian flight to Amman and he stood up to leave. He looked at me and I (lost for words for once) said “I don’t know what to say to you, erm… good luck?” “Thank you. I think I’ll need it this time” he replied, smiled very graciously at me and went! OH returned, unknowingly passing the guy on his way back and said “I’ve got this great camera. You don’t look too happy!” That’s when the fire alarm went off and the airport descended into a very English version of chaos!

So museums, pyramids and artefacts of one of the greatest civilisations in the world coming out of every orifice and we’ve got to rush dinner to get back to our room and tune in to Neil Adams. I would, at this point, tell you about the woman we met in a bar earlier on Tuesday evening, who is in love with the captain of a pirate ship moored off the coast of Barbados but I’m guessing you’ve had enough of my stories! So Neil it is – well the experience of listening to a home match and not being there is a new one on me. How do people do it? I wanted to throttle Dickson, kiss Hux and hug Chris Martin all at the same time! But we won!

So Chelsea up next and a chance for Fozzy and Lappin to show us what they’re really made of. They’ve had the opportunity now to train and bed in (in an appropriate manner) with the rest of the team and the top opposition in the country is a pretty good place to show off your wares! Here’s hoping Jim Duffy and Gunny have stepped into their new shoes with all guns blazing. Get in!!

And now I’m home. Cairo was quite literally Another World, you just have to see it once! The sights, sounds and smells were so alien to anything we see in our day to day lives and it was an amazing few days. But, I just can’t get the airport guy out of my head – what he said and the way he looked at me – it’s scary. I spent all of ten minutes talking to him and I’ll never know if he’s still alive or not.

I’m not sure how we’re catching the game tomorrow. An Italian neighbour has a satellite set-up that gets all kinds of obscure channels so we may be there, we may be listening to Neil Adams at home, we may be at a friends’ place tuned in, but my heart will be in SW6.

“Good luck”

“Thank you, I think I’ll need it this time”

Funny how putting that interchange into a different context makes it sound very normal.

“Good luck Granty…”

A Window of Opportunity?

lq-555@hotmail.com — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 14:37:00 GMT

Despite all the cries of “we should have bought more”, “I’ve never heard of them” and “where’s the money?”, I’m reasonably happy with how this transfer window has opened and closed. Despite the usual moans and groans of “why do we always leave it to the last minute?” Granty managed to complete some good moves early on and with the rules as they are, fans and management alike were left on tenterhooks until the dying moments.

A brief look at the facts of the transfer window tells you all you need to know. In the days from the 1st to the 30th of January, across every league, there were an average of 20 transfers a day. On the 31st January there were 121. We weren’t the only ones waiting at the aisle to see if we were getting lucky or being stood up. I maintained throughout this month long farce that degrades football management, that we could as easily have ended up with eight new faces by the final whistle as none and nothing I’ve heard since has contradicted that. At least it seems we had plenty of irons in the fire – so we didn’t get Ziegler, but we did get Lappin. Both can play anywhere down the left and personally I’m glad we bought one and didn’t loan the other. A bit of structure and stability is what I hope Granty is trying to build here.

Including agents fees and all the other add-ons that seem to come from nowhere these days it looks like we spent around £1million bringing in 5 players and seeing an equal number waving goodbye. Would I have liked us to have spent more? Of course! But I stick to my guns and firmly believe that it could easily have been double that figure if a couple more of Granty’s targets had signed on the dotted line. It was gratifying to hear the manager saying how once a club started banging on to him about ‘loan fees’ he virtually put the phone down. What a complete joke this game has become, every time you think the money grabbers can’t get their mitts into it any more, they shift the goalposts and come up with something else. So good on you Granty – stick to your guns, someone has to have some morals around here!

Now we have to move on and this next loan window could work well for us. Basically there's a one week 'cooling off' period and then the fun starts again on February 7th but with important provisos this time.

As of midnight on 31st January, Premiership and SPL clubs cannot sign any players, on loan or full transfers, until one minute past midnight on 1st July (they can apply for emergency loans). However, they can still loan players to teams in the other divisions. So all those Prem managers who were hoping to get nice fees from other ‘big’, glamorous clubs, or who now find their squad of 38 is in need of some slimming down, will be itching to get some players off their hands for the next few months. Here is where Granty can fill us out a little for the final push towards 6th May when we find out if the NCFC Board budgeting for mid-table was prudent or ambitious!

Bearing in mind our current dearth of centre-backs I was surprised to see Flem let go. I can understand that he is itching to play and would only ever be a bench warmer here for most of the rest of the season, but surely we could have done with his experience and solidity for at least the next few weeks. Still, maybe one of our academy boys will get a go now? We live in hope! Or is this to be the first loan signing on the 7th?

Still, all in all, I’m happy for the time being that Granty has made a start on his rebuild. Some of the kids we’ve spent months (and years) saying should get a loan spell have got a loan spell and we’ve got what seems to be a solid ‘keeper, three midfielders and a striker in while Fleming (sadly) and Robinson (slightly less sadly!) have moved on.

Now it’s the last lap, we’re over halfway through the season and at the moment, even the most fervent optimist has got to admit it’s not looking great. One comment this week that cut to the bone was Neil Adams on Canary Call after possibly the best match I’ve ever seen us lose, where he stated that “other teams WANT to play us now” – gosh that hurt! But starting with Leeds tomorrow I’m hoping and praying that the team we so desperately need can give us 90 minutes every game and stop going off half-cocked! Jock straps on boys, if you want a chance to shine it’s now or never.

;~)

LOST...

lq-555@hotmail.com — Thu, 11 Jan 2007 15:13:00 GMT

I would like to start by saying “Happy New Year” to all the Canaries reading this, but it hasn’t exactly started with a bang has it?

I’ve been trying desperately to think of some good ‘positives’ to cheer myself up and I have actually come up with a couple so here goes:

• We secured the services of Luke Chadwick. Now he’s a player I’ve rated for some years now. He never seems to have settled anywhere for long enough to make a proper impact but I’m confident that Norwich City can change all that for him. Fine, so we’ve only seen 80 minutes of what he is capable of and this knee injury is dragging on a little now, but when he’s fit we will have the makings of a midfield to be envied across the league. Hux, Crofty and Chadders – who wouldn’t want that three

• We’re in the fourth round of the FA Cup and we’ve drawn Blackpool! If there was ever a better chance of progressing I haven’t seen it. Let’s face it – if we’d been drawn against Barnet or Colchester, Colchester would have won their replay and we’d be getting worried now. But no, Blackpool it is. Once mighty, now fallen. If our team don’t make the most of this opportunity they don’t deserve to wear yellow and green.

Right, I’m struggling now. Erm…Keith Webb’s gone to the Linnets (does that count?); Our Academy boys apparently put on a good show at St James’ Park last night; err, no, that’s it really. Oh dear.

So after the positives, ones mind is inexorably drawn to the dark side. Of all the players NCFC have been linked to during the first third of the transfer window, Chris Brown must be the lowlight. I’ve got my own reasons for this statement, other opinions are available! Unfortunately my sources suggested this morning that this was a done deal so no amount of pleading on my part will save us a third of a million quid. So what bothers me about him? Well, other than the fact that he can’t make it into a mid-table Championship side and that for a striker, his goal rate isn’t something to write home about, oh yes, and that he made hugely disparaging remarks comparing his voyeuristic mates in THAT video to footie fans and that I’ve yet to find a comment from a Black Cat fan praising him, well, nothing really! Still, he will be donning the shirt against Plymouth so it’s wait and see isn’t it? Keep your nose clean though Browny (what an awful nickname) because this may be a City, but it’s a small one.

Funnily enough, I feel a bit like a teenager who’s been dumped to be honest. You thought you had something ‘special’, a relationship no-one else quite understood and when it ended with the inevitable “we can still be friends” you believed that it could be so. Instead what you saw as special was actually very, very inconsequential. The ‘friends’ line never means that. It means “I wish I didn’t have to be nice to you” and sometimes it feels as if that is how football fans are treated.

How much easier would a Club’s life be if they didn’t have to worry about what the fans thought or said or the fact that at the start of any given season they might just decide not to turn up? Only clubs at the top of the Premiership are allowed that kind of privileged existence thanks to Sky money. And you do have to be at the very top. Clubs like Wigan and Blackburn are having to look for new ways to keep the fans coming through the turnstiles every week and with the disillusionment being expressed across the NCFC fanbase, at the games and on the ether, our club may soon be searching for ways to keep us happy.

The season ticket renewals will soon be dropping through our letterboxes and we will have to search our souls to ask why we keep putting ourselves through what we put ourselves through and paying for the ‘joy’ of it all. What do I expect from my football club? Do I expect entertainment, glory, good pies, a decent cup of coffee, full-on half-time distractions? What? No, what I expect is to go to Carrow Road on any given Saturday to see eleven players give of their all for Granty, for the shirt and for me. Look up boys - up, not down. The world may be at your feet but the ball and your team mates are generally at eye level, and for this season at least 25,000 people are watching.

Merry Christmas – nice knowing you!

lq-555@hotmail.com — Tue, 26 Dec 2006 22:36:00 GMT

After several erm… let’s just say less than inspiring performances lately, City really put the icing on the Christmas cake for me today against Southend. And let’s not forget – this was Southend, not bloody Spurs and they were down to ten men for half an hour and they didn’t have the ubiquitous Mr Eastwood on the pitch.

To call this display disappointing would be insulting to anyone, anywhere who has ever been slated with such an adjective. It was a sorry state of affairs that saw us in a completely disjointed state with little or no communication between team members (however much Granty tried to throw in his two-pennies worth from the sidelines). It hurts even more when I think back to how we played another game we were perhaps fortunate to win, at West Brom.

That day I hoped was a beginning, a new dawn for Norwich City. No we didn’t have the best players on the pitch but at least they seemed to want to play for each other. Today was the antithesis of that and the crowd, who should have been overflowing with festive spirit, let the team know it.

A silent indication of this comes at half time. I generally go to have a chat with a steward during the break, we stand by the exit doors and discuss the first half – to be fair, I’m usually attempting to be upbeat whereas the mood from the matchday staff at Carrow Road has been more dour recently. At half time in the Sheffield Wednesday match 24 people left the ground and didn’t return, that was over the course of 15 minutes. Today I could stand only 5 minutes of doom and gloom. In that 5 minutes 14 people left the stadium. This is from one door in the City Stand. I’ve never left any match until the final whistle but to leave after 45 minutes is sending some kind of message to the Club isn’t it?

The more vocal of the ‘great disheartened’ chose to jeer both at half time and later. Indeed, there was barely a 3 minute period when some form of dissent wasn’t being shown from the stands. Now I was brought up to believe that if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all, so I remained quiet. Even I could only muster a couple of verses of OTBC – not like me at all.

This situation should be of concern to the Club and hopefully they will try to administer the right medicine in the form of cash for Granty next week. I, like many others, go to Carrow Road to support my team – rain or shine, poor or sublime, I’m there because that’s what I do. But not everyone is like me. Many feel that they should get not only results but also full-on entertainment possibly with the addition of some popcorn and a fizzy drink. These fans will stop turning up if things don’t change, and they’ll stop turning up in their thousands. Granty wants the crowd to make Carrow Road a fortress again, to put the fear of the Canary into the opposition. That’s difficult with 25,000. It’s a damn sight harder with 14,000 I can tell you.

The most excitement today in the stands came when Safri warmed up. He was called for and chanted for. Why oh why doesn’t Granty play him? I’ll tell you why shall I (or my version anyway) because the expectation and the reality of Yousef Safri are two completely different things. Yes he does tend to look forward more than Robinson or Etuhu but he also gives the ball away, tackles haphazardly and is a walking time-bomb as far as red cards are concerned. And honestly, if I have to listen to anyone else scream “SHOOT’ when he’s 35 yards out I’ll be the one screaming. It worked ONCE – ONCE and that was a fluke! It doesn’t warrant wasting the ball for the hope of a minute or two of glory.

Still, I think that after today those hopeful shouts will be a dim and distant memory (unless he has to make an appearance on Saturday). If any player is off in January it has to be Saf. Throwing his shirt into the crowd at the River End wasn’t his way of giving them a Christmas pressie you know, Safri doesn’t ‘do’ Christmas! No, for my money he’s away next month. There’s obviously some problem between he and Granty and let’s face it, there’s only going to be one winner there.

So, so long Safri – it’s been nice knowing you but really you blew more cold than hot and I’d rather have lukewarm 365 days a year, at least you know what you’re getting!

And barring a 7-1 miracle thumping of QPR, so long NCFC2006. In football terms I would say it’s been nice knowing you but quite honestly this has been the most trying soccer year of my life and I’ll be glad to see the back of it! The bad times have been prolonged and sour, the good times have been too far between. I can’t wait for January – bring in the new, and please Granty, give us something to cheer. I hate being quiet ;~)

Going down the dip with you...

lq-555@hotmail.com — Sun, 10 Dec 2006 13:54:00 GMT

It’s been a while since my last blog. To be honest I’ve felt uninspired and more than a little bemused by our play as, I expect, have most of you!

Knowing exactly what is going on at Carrow Road is something only a soothsayer could explain at the moment. We have a squad that can beat anyone in this division, unfortunately the opposite is also quite evidently true. However, yesterday’s performance was Granty’s first home defeat (even though the awful draws against Colchester and Hull felt like losses at the time) so could this finally be the wake-up call we’ve been waiting for him to hear?

Perhaps the saddest thing about our performance against Wednesday was that for the last 10 minutes it almost felt like ‘Boro all over again. Remember that feeling? Well, those in the crowd who were left inside Carrow Road on 86 minutes certainly did. Get one goal back and suddenly it could be our day again – would we have deserved the point had the penalty been allowed to stand? No. Would we have deserved three points? Definitely not – but points are not awarded in this game for style and substance and hey, I would have taken them – and so would you!

The way the crowd woke up and reacted to going down a goal said it all for me. Many left, I thought hundreds, some said thousands. Many more shouted and screamed their hearts out in one last, desperate attempt to inspire passion in our lacklustre team. And it worked didn’t it? Passion and positivity off the field will always promote passion and positivity on it. Now I didn’t like Granty’s “disgrace” dig anymore than the next fan, but whatever your feelings on the subject it certainly worked us all up for the Leicester game. Now the challenge is not to forget that, but it cuts both ways Granty – don’t you forget what we expect either.

In almost every interview since his tenure began, Peter Grant has told us that we have a quality team. We’ve heard the words but proof is needed. Are you just saying that Granty? Just telling us what you think we need to hear at the moment to soften the period until you can ship out and bring in come January, or do you really mean it? Is it a case of going with what you’ve got or putting up with what you’ve got? I think we need it made clear to us, and to the squad, which it is – although obviously this won’t happen until the end of the transfer window. And then what? If you go out and buy, buy, buy then everything you’ve said about our current ‘quality’ squad is dismissable as tosh, if you don’t buy then it’ll be because the Board won’t give you any money! You can’t win Granty, you just can’t win.

Still, at least Hux has signed with us for another year. What a seriously ‘top’ guy he is. He stated that he wouldn’t sign a three or five year contract as there was no guarantee that he’d still be able to do what he does in two years time, let alone five – and, get this, that he didn’t want to be seen to be sitting back fleecing the Club when he quite frankly couldn’t perform! Oh Huckerby, if only more professional footballers were like you the game itself would be more highly thought of. Thank you Hux.

So since my last contribution we’ve blown it, cracked it and bottled it. But it’s a wonderful game, football isn’t it? You never know what you’re going to get – there’s always the next game or the next season, the next signing or the next manager. Football is always teaching us lessons, the subject for now being never, ever think you know it all, because no matter who you are, fan or manager, there’s always more to learn.

State of Play (not the Portman Road pitch)…

lq-555@hotmail.com — Wed, 22 Nov 2006 14:33:00 GMT

I went, I saw and I came back in despair at the fact that a side that showed me how team spirit can overcome weakness at West Brom, could fail to build, and indeed could take a step backwards, against the old enemy. Drury said on Friday afternoon that the team would need no motivational speeches in the dressing room as all the players were well aware of what was expected of them – well aware they may have been, completely unable to carry some passion and a modicum of skill onto the pitch they certainly were!

The only major plus point for me (apart from getting a ticket at the last minute and not being a Portman Road derby day virgin anymore) was seeing what Luke Chadwick can do. How this player moves clubs for anything under two million is a mystery to me. He’s skilful, incredibly hard working and intelligent on the field. The 80 minutes he spent on the pitch were vital – without his tracking back, tackling and forward vision we could well have been coming home with 7-1 ringing in our ears. Get well soon Luke, you’re a star and we need bright stars at the moment!

The inconsistency of our team is astounding. We’re beating teams we shouldn’t have a chance against and capitulating horribly when faced with poor opposition. My question, along with that of all other Norwich City supporters is “what on earth is going on?” Bringing in a new manager isn’t necessarily the panacea it’s sometimes made out to be but honestly, surely our players are meant to be upping their game in order to impress the new gaffer not plunging in a ridiculous slip-shod fashion into nonchalance.

It has been said that some of the team may not actually want the glory and reward that comes with promotion from this league. That they know they’re not up to Premiership standard and are quite happy with mid-table mediocrity and hanging on to their contracts here. I can’t believe this for one minute. Whatever and whoever they are on the pitch, they are human and seeing and hearing the venom directed towards them can’t make for an easier life than actually going out there on any given Saturday (or Sunday, or Tuesday) and giving of your all, can it?

To be completely honest here I am a little concerned about our team as ‘a team’. Sure, head down to Colney during a training session and you’ll see the squad laughing, joking and generally getting stuck in, but evidence on the field begs the question “do these men actually want to play for each other?” or perhaps “do they even respect each other?” Is the fear that many are on the list marked ‘to be shipped out’ hanging on Granty’s office wall pervading the very essence of the spirit we are all begging to see week in, week out? When he arrived, Granty said that everyone would get their chance to prove themselves, their chance to shine. Unfortunately it seems that for some of the squad this is as bright as their light gets. Meanwhile morale is being beaten into the turf.

It’s Darren Huckerby I feel sorry for in all this. He is a flair player, pure and simple. That’s what we love about him and that’s why he secures his place as the Norwich City talisman. Instead in this mishmash of uncertainty he is being asked to provide cover left, right and centre. Tracking back to hold for Drury, coming inside to provide a foil for Robinson, it’s not the free running role we love to see him in. Grant has told him that he has to play for the team. Well I’m sorry Mr Grant, but without Hux’s daring and fancy-dan style, we haven’t got a team. Let him off the leash – play him up front in a 4-4-2 (please, oh please go for a 4-4-2!) and let him work his magic.

Moving on to the state of play in the Boardroom. The bugbear since Granty’s arrival has been whether or not the Board will give him enough money to start to build his own squad in January. My two-pennies worth says yes. If he wasn’t guaranteed funds as part of his acceptance of our offer then why come here in the first place – and he certainly comes across as a guy who will hold people to their word, he likes words! But I’m going for yes, with a proviso. Yes if a top six spot is still attainable, if not then perhaps a bare minimum just to see us through in this division until the summer when there is time for more wholesale changes.

So Hull up next then. It feels like an eternity since the last home game so hopefully this will mean that despite the heinous result on Sunday, the fans will be all geared up for making some noise and ‘getting behind the boys’ (sometimes I just wish they’d give me something to get behind!) I’ve been to the last two away games now and I know what team I want to see coming out of the tunnel on Saturday afternoon. As ever, I’m looking forward to it with hope and anticipation – the rollercoaster ride continues but: Warning Canary Fans, the value of your emotional stake in Norwich City Football Club can bring you down as well as up…

You can't always get what you want...

lq-555@hotmail.com — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 22:26:00 GMT

But hey, I certainly got what I needed at the Hawthorns on Saturday!

After having a conversation midweek with a friend during which I tried to recall the last match I walked away from feeling “YES! This is my team” and generally having an uplifting moment, the West Brom game was precisely what I needed to restore my faith. For the first time since Granty (note new officially adopted nickname) arrived we looked and performed exactly like a team should – all for one and one for all. It wasn’t the prettiest of games and it certainly wasn’t always perfect football but the spirit that has been so lacking of late has returned. There would be no “my heart wasn’t in it” eulogies from Dickson; no “xxx (insert players name here) must try harder” tirades from Granty. No, what I watched was passionate and committed.

West Brom may well have had more chances and probably warranted more where luck was concerned; but what with Hux and Hughes tracking back, Dion spreading the word (even lining up the midfield on occasion, let alone the defence), Gally stopping more than his usual quota of on-target efforts and Little Ern running his socks off to make the most of the few real chances we had, it wasn’t just a case of ‘you make your own luck in this game’. We won, and we won because we deserved it. Another goal as a nice cushion wouldn’t have gone amiss though!

As an aside, and to give you a further insight into my character, last Monday a friend at my other half’s office asked him if we were going to the Hawthorns. He replied “officially no, but come Friday lunchtime we will be”. The week dragged on with the odd murmur from me about how long it was until the next home game. Friday came and the same friend asked OH “So, are you going then?”. “Still not officially but I expect a call at about 2 o’clock”. At 2.05 I phoned him to say “Let’s go shall we, it’s pay on the gate”. Predictable moi?

So, Luke Chadwick! Well Nigel certainly found that you can’t always get what you want in the summer, but again Granty has certainly surprised me with this one. When I was first told he was coming I believe my immediate reaction was “Really – that’s fantastic!” (I will be corrected if I’m wrong). For my money Chadders has been incredibly underrated financially for such an influential and naturally skilful player. If all that is said is true – that he’s here on a loan to perm deal, he’ll cost us about £200,000 and that he ripped us apart at Stoke the other week – I simply can’t wait for him to appear in our team. Just hope that if he does score against the s**m at Portman Road, he doesn’t follow the Leon model and fail to achieve much of note for the rest of his career here! But what a great guy he sounds already. He’s said that he wanted to come here because leaving his little boy was hard, what with commuting from Cambridge to Stoke “The little boy was crying every time I went away for a couple of days and it was getting too much”. How lovely for him to say that instead of all the “me, me, me” twaddle one generally hears from professional footballers.

More amazing than us signing Chadders is the talk that has gone on over various boards since the news broke. “Who do we drop?” many have asked, and even more have tried to answer. Amusingly, these comments are often from the same fans who have bemoaned our tiny squad and lack of options – get one good signing into a team who have, it seems, finally gelled and all of a sudden it’s “but who do we drop?” It’s not easy being a fan you know! My money (virtually) is on Hughes moving into the middle, Chadders starting on the right and Dion (please god) keeping his rightful place next to Shacks. Robinson will be dropped. He plays better in front of the back four for Wales but sitting flat in a midfield three for us doesn’t appear to suit him.

All of which brings me to the final part of getting what you want – anyone got a spare ticket for Sunday? I didn’t apply in the allocation because I was sure that all the die-hard, ten stub fans would snap them all up. Just imagine my upset when I found out I probably would have gotten one! And now, to add insult to injury, I discover that Ipswich can’t even sell their own tickets for THE derby game. What exactly is wrong with these people? I know attendances outside of Carrow Road have been particularly poor this season but it’s a derby match for goodness sake! What better reason is there to go to a match – even if you only go to one a season? That really does beggar belief. Maybe we’re just lucky?

So come on guys – we can’t go top of the league at Portman Road this season, but if other results go our way we could step into a playoff spot.

Show me this wasn’t a blip, prove to me that you are my team and leave me feeling that at my feet was a footloose man ;~)

Hanging on the telephone...

lq-555@hotmail.com — Wed, 08 Nov 2006 12:13:00 GMT

It’s been almost four weeks since that fateful Friday13th when Peter Grant was (prematurely) announced as our new manager. Four weeks and six matches – that’s all, not long is it? So why does it feel like an eternity?

Well, one reason could be that in that time, he has managed to make almost as many public appearances as Nigel did in 6 years. He’s certainly used as many words as the previous incumbent and you can barely open a paper without some new Grantesque headline calling to you; anything from “Buck up Hucks” to “Size Matters” take your pick, there’s always something out there to please every taste. Heaven forbid we should ever be able to forget for one moment that this new king is so very different from the old king!

Or is the real reason that, despite the headlines and the beautiful aura of openness and honesty, you scratch the surface and actually nothing has changed at all? Let’s face it, the players are still running hot and cold, the man who told us that 4-4-2 was his weapon of choice continues to play 4-5-1 (or 4-3-3 or whatever the hell it is) or some other weird combination that even the pundits fail to grasp and, more importantly, we’re still waiting for the phone to ring.

The arrival of Jamie Ashdown after Grant had been in position for less than a week gave us all hope that here was the man who would bring us Premiership quality to add strength and depth (nb. I am so sick of that phrase!) to our undersized and often ineffectual squad. Plenty of fans had been bemoaning the fact that Gally was regularly shipping three goals a game and here was our first taste of the PG medicine. No longer, we were assured, would any player have an automatic right to a place in the starting eleven, lack of discipline and inconsistency would not be tolerated, Grant would have no favourites and everyone at Carrow Road was told it was fight or flight because football is war!

But that’s it! Almost three weeks later Grant, like Nigel before him, is still hanging on the telephone. Reputedly we have enquired about a variety of players from various clubs so why is no one calling our number? At first I was unconcerned. These things take time and Grant needs time to get to know who and what he’s already got at his disposal. However, now I am worried. Dion stood in superbly at the back on Saturday but in doing so has removed any option in the near future to put him up front as ‘the big man’ in a 4-4-2. Some of the younger squad members seem to be being given a chance to shine, but as yet it’s hard to tell if Grant rates them or is simply using them as fillers. In fact, he has made it pretty clear that he wants some new blood – quality with a view to a permanent signature in January and this is where my second worry arises.

All the records and comments show that when Grant was interviewed for the job he had a dossier on every player here and strong views about how to carry the club forward. If this is so, and I have no reason not to believe it, surely he would have had targets in mind to aim for as loan options to cover areas he had already identified as weak? The January window is drawing ever closer and if we are to go down the ‘try before you buy’ route our clock is ticking. Another debacle akin to the squandered opportunities in the summer will be seen as impotence by many, of both Grant and the Board.

As things stand it seems, we are going nowhere. A mid-table finish is what almost everyone I speak to expects and it seems unfortunate that, at just over a third of the way through the season, mid-table this year is almost acceptable to some. I’m still looking at the play-offs. It’s not unrealistic with the table as crowded as it is and a football fan is nothing without ambition! In the face of all evidence thus far, I continue to believe that both Peter Grant and the Board will be able to turn things around and put the fire back in our bellies, but that’s me! Concerned, worried, perhaps even anxious occasionally, but overall, constantly aspirational…

(now ring dammit, ring!)

Someone pinch me!

lq-555@hotmail.com — Sun, 29 Oct 2006 12:11:00 GMT

Time to ask the question that is on the lips of every Norwich City fan who bore witness to another capitulation by ‘our’ team – whether at the match (poor souls) or via Neil Adams’ commentary. What went wrong?

Once again it seems our players were phenomenally consistent – consistent in doling out another lacklustre, dismal performance. How many times this season are we going to hear those words, and how many times will they be proved true?

Yes, the team selection and formation were odd to say the least. From the man who has been quoted as saying “if they’re good enough, they’re old enough” it was surprising that Robert Eagle (a star in the making) wasn’t in the starting eleven after his performance at Port Vale. I can understand Jamie Ashdown being played, I mean how often did we complain about Nigel bringing in a loan player and then not giving him a chance to prove himself whilst here? The list is too long to mention them all but one of the best ones for me was Elvis Hammond. However, I think after Tuesday’s heroics by Gally, he has reclaimed his number one spot and unless we’re going to get Van der Sar in by some kind of loan-move miracle, he must start on Tuesday night – whether Ashdown were suspended or not.

The formation left everyone from Club staff (read the match report), to Neil Adams, to your fan in the street, to the players, it seemed, scratching their heads. On paper it looked like 5-4-1 but then Doc managed a wonderful impression of a headless chicken playing a sweeper role, in front of the back four (has he ever done this before in a competitive match?) and what we were actually dished up was 4-1-4-1 with Hughes as a left-winger. Why Hughes? I’m not getting on his back here, I don’t think he’s the best player in the squad but he’s certainly not the worst. But why Hughes and not Eagle after his midweek showing that by all accounts left many in awe?

MrG said after the match that he couldn’t play 4-4-2 because he was concerned that his two available front men (Dion and Thorne) wouldn’t make 90 minutes each. I’m sorry! If a player is good enough to be on the bench he should be good enough to last 90 minutes in my book. It only takes a strain in the warm-up to send a sub on for the whole match, after all. Now this brings me to Ryan Jarvis. There are two scenarios that fit his storyline perfectly either:

a) He’s been hard done by and now, at 21, he’s not a kid anymore and his chances are going to be fewer and even further between than when Nigel was here, or

b) He’s actually not very good!

So which is it? I wish I knew. I won’t ever be jumping up and down calling him our Rooney or anything like it (and believe me it has been said!) but you have to wonder, when your choice of strikers is limited to three (one aged 37, one in his 30’s and not 100% fit, and one in his early 20’s and apparently itching to prove himself) and as a manager you have gone on record as saying your preferred formation is 4-4-2, why can’t Ryan Jarvis get the shout?

Grant said that the players knew what their jobs were. They knew in training and they knew when they ran out onto the Britannia pitch. Only by the time the whistle was blown they somehow ‘forgot’ what they were meant to do and where they were meant to be. How can this happen? These men are paid to do something most football lovers can only dream of – they get paid to play football, that’s it, just that, simple! Now you can berate the squad and say it’s Nigel’s legacy but my response to that is whose squad played against Brum and Cardiff then? You can fault the tactics, but again why? If this was another ‘variation on a theme’ of 4-5-1/4-3-3 then they really should be used to it by now. Personally I’ll blame the players. They have shown on numerous occasions this season that often they just can’t be bothered, or can it be that 90% of our squad just isn’t up to Championship football? It’s all very well these press comments before each match “we’re going to keep a clean sheet again”, “we’ll give it our all” etc, but talk is cheap and actions speak louder than any words ever will. If any of the team out there yesterday afternoon can look themselves in the mirror and say, in all honesty that they played to their utmost in terms of skill and perseverance I’ll stand right next to them and shake my head – actions see, not words.

How many times are we going to see Doc give away expensive free-kicks just outside the box, how many scrappy balls are we going to lose in midfield, how soon can we expect the new, decent loan signings that will mean MrG can start to form HIS team?

So it’s Colchester on Tuesday night. A team on a high with passionate players performing well above their level and a fan base who are still wondering when they are going to wake up from this Championship dream. Whose team will turn out for us against them? Surely the loss of Hux and Little Ern isn’t enough in itself to turn us into capitulating walkovers? What’s the saying? No one man is bigger than the team? Unfortunately it seems that in our team one man is all it takes. Whether that man is Hux (we can’t win without him you know), I don’t know. Yes he needs his contract renewed as soon as…but he is picking up more little knocks this year than before. Maybe he’s training too hard or pushing too much on the field, whatever it is needs addressing too, and quickly.

One more thing – don’t fall into the trap of thinking that this performance was a ‘blip’. We’ll only know that for sure in April when we can decide if Birmingham and Cardiff were ‘blips’ too. No, this laying down of arms was synonymous with all the worries at Carrow Road for the past two years. Our wounds, I am convinced, go far deeper than the band-aid of a new manager can solve. The cracks have been papered but the problems remain. Grant has a huge job on his hands motivating these players, which begs another question – does he want to? He has said that he believes we have quality here but how much of what we really have is quality and how much is (sorry about this in terms of the tiny squad) quantity. I don’t want players to make up the numbers, I want players who want to play – for themselves, for MrG, for the badge and for me!

Please pinch me MrG. Pinch me hard and wake me from this nightmare, because at the moment, I’m still wondering where the happy ending is coming from. You’ve said all the right things now it’s really time for action. And to the players – when you go out onto the pitch it’s war, nothing less, and Norwich City fans wave yellow and green flags, not white.